Walking into the pub…
Patick said to the bartender, “Pour me astiff one, Sean. I just had another tiff with the little woman.”
“Oh yeah,” said Sean. “And how did this one end?”
“Well I’ll tell ya now when it was over,” Patick replied, “herself came to me on her hands and knees, she did.”
“You don’t say? Now that`s a switch! What did she say?”
She said, “Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel
(Thank you to our friend Dwight McKinney)
A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne’s pub in Grafton Street, Dublin, when, O’Leary, an irate Irishman stands up shouting, ‘You’re making out we’re all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.’
‘I’m sorry sir, I………..’
‘Not you,’ says O’Leary, ‘I’m talking to that little fella on your knee.’
Six Irish men were playing poker when one of them played a bad hand and died.
The rest drew straws to see who would tell his wife. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friend’s house to tell the wife.
The man says to her, “Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.”
The wife says, “Tell him to drop dead!” The man responds, “I’ll go tell him.”
An Irish priest is driving down the road and is pulled over for speeding.
The garda smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle beside him.
He asks the priest, “Sir, have you been drinking?”
The priest responds, “No officer, just water,”
The policeman asks, “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “The Good Lord! He’s done it again!”