Can Y’all Believe This? HELP!!!
Hey y’all.
When we started this blog, we did it in order to share. We have shared laughter, recipes, tips, DIY decorating and several other things. The one thing that I have not shared were some extremely painful experiences that started shortly after having started our blog and Facebook page as well as the wonderful turns my life has taken since then.
Well…. today is the day!
I am going to go over some of these things not because I feel that I need to, but because they may be helpful to others and because as I do from time to time….I am coming to you for some help.
Here goes…
In 2012 my husband of 9 years started having an affair with….well I think we will just call her “the Mistress”. This affair continued until he walked out on me in 2014. In between there were many tears, lies upon lies to not only me but family and friends, promises that he had stopped seeing her on no less than 3 separate occasions as well as a a short time in which I honestly believe that he had stopped seeing her in an attempt to repair not only our marriage but his relationship with his children. We purchased a new house and made plans for a future.
4 months after purchasing our new home I found out, while he was on a trip, that he was still communicating with the Mistress. I confronted him with the information that I had and he walked out.
I will be honest, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it through all of this. The stress, the pain as well as the feeling of loss loss of not only my husband but the future that we had planned with our children and grandchild …. it almost destroyed me.
With the help of God, a very supportive family (both mine and his) as well as some VERY awesome friends, I made it through.
My husband quit his job and he and the Mistress moved to Hawaii a couple months after he walked out without even telling his children, while I picked up the pieces of my life, tried to find a job after having been out of the work force for many years and filed court papers to try to get some support from him. I was left with a mountain of debt which I had no way to repay. I hadn’t worked for several years (at his request), instead I had stayed home and raised my daughter as well as his son and teenage daughter when she came to live with us.
A few months after he left, a friend of ours named Tom, offered his help on several occasions with things that I just could not do on my own. We would hang out, talk, cry and laugh. We found that we shared a common love of cooking and would spend time coming up with different recipes to have each other try. Eventually this friendship blossomed into more.
Eventually my divorce was final, I was having a great time with my friends and family, working in the legal field and really enjoying my relationship with Tom. The only thing that continued to hold me to my past with my ex-husband, were the court proceedings trying to get him to take some responsibility for the debt that we had incurred during our marriage. I finally decided that it wasn’t worth it. I wanted to get on with my life and leave the past in the past. I was happy for the first time in many years and didn’t want to keep getting dragged back to my past every time there was another court date. I dropped the case all together.
In December of 2015 Tom purposed and I happily accepted. We have been planning our wedding that is set for this Fall as well as our future.
I am truly happy and have never looked back.
I am sure y’all are wondering why I am telling you this. Well while I was moving forward with my life, apparently others are not or can not.
A couple months back I noticed an extremely mean and nasty post on the Two Southern Sweeties Facebook page. I quickly deleted it and blocked the person. The person that posted it was “the Mistress”. She didn’t post it under her actual name, as I have had her and my ex blocked on Facebook for years, she took the time to make up an entire new Facebook profile in order to do it. Now I am used to people calling me names, I usually just blow it off and consider the source, however in the comment she posted, she eluded to a very personal and private thing from my past that apparently my ex had shared with her. Her reasoning for posting it…. she wanted to make sure that Tom knew about my past.
I am sure you are asking yourselves, how do I know it was her and how do I know her motives behind posting it. Well, I have a friend that is an acquaintance of hers. The Mistress contacted my friend and asked her about a post that my daughter made on her personal Facebook page. The post was about wedding ideas for Tom and I. (The Mistress was stalking not only my Two Southern Sweeties page under her new profile, but my daughters Facebook page as well.) The Mistress was very upset that I seemed to be planning a wedding at the same time she was planning her wedding to my ex-husband (fyi I had no idea they were engaged nor did I or do I care). She said that she was tired of this feeling like some competition with me. She also told my friend that she posted the nasty comment on Two Southern Sweeties and exactly why she posted it. It was then explained to the Mistress that Tom was well aware of the things she was referring to about my past and had known since the second time he and I had gotten together as friends. I would also like to assure you, the Mistress knows that this information was shared with me as my friend told her that she was currently on the phone with me. My friend even explained to her that it was a bit weird that she was doing all of this, especially stalking my daughters Facebook page.
As I said, this all took place several months ago. Since then, I have continued on with my happy life enjoying my children, grandchild and planning my wedding and future with the man that I love.
HELP!!!! (This is where y’all come in)
Yesterday, I received an email from the Mistress. I have posted the email below and am coming to y’all for help because I am just am not sure how to respond or if I should respond at all.
I am really not sure why she feels the need to be concerned or involved in my life.
In the email she talks about clearing the air between us, that there is apparently some “drama” going on and that we should have coffee to be able to move forward and leave the past in the past and have a better future. None of these things are issues for me. In order for there to be any issues between us, I would actually have to care and I don’t.
I believe the only reason she sent me this email is that my ex-husband found out that she had made the post and had been stalking both my Two Southern Sweeties page as well as my daughters.
I feel that she should just move on with her life and be happy. I just wish for her to leave me alone and more importantly…leave my daughter alone!!!
I hope that this post may help those that may be experiencing difficult times to understand that the storm doesn’t last forever, the sun eventually comes out.
I welcome any advice or comments as to how to deal with this situation.
Make it a great day!
Tracey
Original emal from “the Mistress”
Tracey,
I’m happy for you and Tom. Congratulations on everything.
The reason for my email is to apologize for any issues that I caused you due to a post made a while back. It was not the right thing to do. It was done in haste and not like me. I’m sorry for that.
It is my intentions to see if you would be willing to have coffee one day to clear the air between us. The drama is unnecessary and doesn’t get either one of us anywhere.
I can’t change what happened but I can accept my responsibility in it and try to make some kind of amends with it.
My hope is that we can all move forward and let the past be the past and try to let the future be better.
Congratulations again!
With kind regards,
24 Comments
Dr. B.J. Boyd
You only need to respond if this is a cause for concern for you. It seems that HER guilty conscience is working overtime and I suspect that your ex may be cheating on her as he did with her on you. I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. I also do not understand why any woman [or man] would cheat with a married person and believe that it would be different with them. You also have the option of emailing her back and saying there is no need as there is no issue. You’re not friends and you’re not really involved in one another’s lives.
If she continues to be a “problem” and a stalker, you do have a legal route you can follow to stop her.
God Bless …
Two Southern Sweeties
Thank you so much for your comment! I do completely agree with your statement “once a cheater, always a cheater”
Joy
My ex-husbands “new wife” did something very similar. Since I had no problem with them being together and thought contact MAY help our underage daughter, I responded to the ex. She twisted everything I said, started saying really ugly things about me to my daughter and convinced my ex-husband to take me back to court. If I had it to do over, I would never have even responded, let alone met her. You know the old saying, “I do not share and play well with others”… that is no my motto. Leave it alone. Do not respond to her and especially do not meet her. .. but that is from my experience.. If you do decide to go ahead, I pray the outcome is much better than it was with me. God Bless you.. your home, your family and your upcoming marriage.
Two Southern Sweeties
Thank you so much for your comment!
Joyce Mullikin
If you feel you need to reply just say you are extremely happy & enjoying your new life. Wish her well & then ignore her.
Don’t let her drag you into the mud.
Two Southern Sweeties
Thank you so much for your comment!
Bev
You’ve moved on, you are happy.. Ignore her.. .. Or reply and tell her there is no reason to meet with her, you have forgiven her for the past and you wish no further contact, wish her and your ex well and be done.. Any contact after that should be ignored, unless from your ex regarding your children, or his desire to fork over some cash
Two Southern Sweeties
Thank you so much for your comment. All of our children are grown and we never had any children “together”.
Sue higgins
Don’t give her the time of day and certainly don’t waste a good cup of coffee on her.
Two Southern Sweeties
LOL Thank you so much for your comment and advice!
Wanda Griffing
I have experienced a similar situation and I will tell you emphatically, NO do not respond to her.
Two Southern Sweeties
I’m sorry that you also had a similar situation. Thank you so much for your comment!
LInda Sparling
I agree with much that has been posted. She must be feeling guilty and looking for you to tell her you forgive her. You have found your way out of the hell created by your ex and this woman. You are happy. Because you are happy, I believe you have forgiven them both in your heart and now have a wonderful new love and new life. I sincerely think that you should NOT respond. You owe her nothing and responding and (heaven forbid) meeting for coffee to ‘clear the air’ would mostly likely open up old wounds, create new havoc and make your life miserable again. You have already moved forward. It’s her problem if she hasn’t and/or can’t. Don’t do it, please.
Two Southern Sweeties
Thank you so much for your comment as well as your concern. Truthfully, I believe the only thing she meant when she said she was sorry was for her post on the TwoSouthernSweeties Facebook page.
Rose H
Give her or him nothing, no words, no time, no thought. Moving on means just that.
I am glad you brought this into the light of day. No true lady should suffer any unpleasantness of any kind.
Thank you for wanting my humble opinion dear lady!
Cover your bustle legally!!!.
Some folks out there just can not be trusted.
What matters is that you get to keep thise happy future posts coming!!!
Two Southern Sweeties
Thank you Rose. I had kept quiet through all of this for several years, but when she started stalking my daughters Facebook and then sent that email…well I just couldn’t stay quiet any longer.
I greatly value all of our readers opinions and am grateful that y’all are here to help when you are able.
Make it a great day!
Brenda
the Mistress seems to have an agenda. Call it guilt, regret or whatever people use for excuses. I wouldn’t waste a moment of my time to respond to her. Keep planning your wedding and life with your man, she plays no role in any of your happily ever after.
Two Southern Sweeties
Brenda thank you so much for your comment. You are so right, she plays no role in my happily ever after!!!
Make it a great day!
Deb
You are a strong woman. Do what you have been doing and leave the past in the past. Forget her. She is ate up with guilt and can’t move on. You have rose far above her with your life. Keep going forward. I would not stoop to respond to her. May God bring you many more blessings. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding!
Two Southern Sweeties
Deb, thank you for your kind words and your congratulations.
Make it a great day!
Diane
I would tell her exactly what you told us. What’s in the past is.in the past. Politely thank her for her apology, then tell her you have moved on. No need for coffee etc.
Two Southern Sweeties
It is my understanding that she has seen the blog post, so no need for me to tell her. Thank you so much for your comment and advise. It is greatly appreciated!
Make it a great day!
Susan Knight
Same thing happened to me,except for the debt part. No I dug my little heels until I had what I wanted,and then took my two daughters and left the McMansion. Finally after all these years they finally got married,but I still think ill of her when I do think of her at all.She saw the cow with the golden bell come down the lane,even though she knew we had a very sick baby (4x cancer survivor) and still chased the cow.HE cheats on her,but she has a great paycheck. Thank “the Mistress” and tell her adios,or if you want to be mean ask her if she is willing to pay for your entire wedding.That should shut her up for a while.
Two Southern Sweeties
I am so sorry that you experienced basically the same thing. I hope that your child is healthy and happy now, y’all are in my prayers.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and opinion, it means a great deal to me.
Make it a great day!