All good Southerners already know these, but in fairness to those Yankees who decided to stay down here we created this list. | Waffle House | Southern Names | Hillbillies | SEC Football | College Football | BBQ | Cracker Barrel | Two Southern Sweeties | #southernlifestyle #southern
Just Plain Southern

Rules of the Southern Lifestyle

Rules of the Southern Lifestyle

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All good Southerners already know these, but in fairness to those Yankees who decided to stay down here:

1. Don’t order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hrs a day, so let them cook something they know.

2. Don’t laugh at people’s names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, and Inez have all been known to whip a man’s ass for less than that.

3. Don’t order a bottle of pop or a can of soda — this can lead to a merciless beating. Down South it’s called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.

4. Don’t show allegiances to any college football squad that isn’t an SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who get to play Wyoming every week.

5. Don’t refer to Southerner’s as a bunch of hillbillies. Many of us are/have been more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner), better educated, and generally much nicer to boot. We’ve got plenty of business sense (e.g. Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, and Netscape). Naturally, we can have lapses of judgment from time to time (e.g. Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don’t care if you think we’re dumb, we know better!

6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit your bitching, spend your money, and leave.

All good Southerners already know these, but in fairness to those Yankees who decided to stay down here we created this list. | Waffle House | Southern Names | Hillbillies | SEC Football | College Football | BBQ | Cracker Barrel | Two Southern Sweeties | #southernlifestyle #southern

7. Don’t order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will know you’re from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended and for goodness sake, don’t put sugar in your grits.

8. Don’t attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot faster.

9. Don’t go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you don’t like it here, take your Yankee ass back home.

10. We don’t play lacrosse, hockey or any of those other sissy ass Northern games, so don’t ask about the scores. We…simply…don’t…care.

11. We know how to speak proper English, we talk this way because we want to and we can. It’s like playing jazz, you have to know how to do it right first.

12. Last, but by no means least…DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa. Consider yourself just damn lucky that we let you come down here in the first place. Don’t push your luck!

Be sure to take a peek at our other posts regarding the Southern Lifestyle…

Proper Southern Manners

Southerners Know

Things You Learn Living In The South

14 Things All Southern Women Know To Be True 

20 Things A True Southerner Knows

Please drop a comment below to let us know what you thought about this post.

4 Comments

  • Gabrielle Paz

    I just want to subscribe and my computer won’t
    let me. I think I’ve smacked it a time or two too hard. Thanks.

  • Linda Kay Myrick

    I live in AZ and was reared in MS until I was 42. I miss the south so much. I miss the people, I miss the humor, I miss the weather and I miss my Southern Baptist Church. Your blog helps to remind me that one day, one day, I will move back!

    You noticed I said I was reared in MS. My mama always said you raise chickens and you rear children.

    Love my mama!

    • Two Southern Sweeties

      Linda, I’m glad that we are able to bring you some comfort from the wonderful South. I don’t know that I could live somewhere else.

      Your mama sounds very wise! I love how she put that about chicken and children. Thank you for sharing that with us.

      ~Tracey

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