Rules of the Southern Lifestyle
Rules of the Southern Lifestyle
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All good Southerners already know these, but in fairness to those Yankees who decided to stay down here:
1. Don’t order a steak at a Waffle House. They serve breakfast 24 hrs a day, so let them cook something they know.
2. Don’t laugh at people’s names. Merleen, Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy Ann, Mari Beth, and Inez have all been known to whip a man’s ass for less than that.
3. Don’t order a bottle of pop or a can of soda — this can lead to a merciless beating. Down South it’s called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.
4. Don’t show allegiances to any college football squad that isn’t an SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy asses who get to play Wyoming every week.
5. Don’t refer to Southerner’s as a bunch of hillbillies. Many of us are/have been more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner), better educated, and generally much nicer to boot. We’ve got plenty of business sense (e.g. Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV, and Netscape). Naturally, we can have lapses of judgment from time to time (e.g. Clinton, Fordice, Duke). We don’t care if you think we’re dumb, we know better!
6. We are fully aware that the humidity is high. Quit your bitching, spend your money, and leave.
7. Don’t order wheat toast at the Cracker Barrel. If you do this, everyone will know you’re from Ohio. Eat the biscuits like God intended and for goodness sake, don’t put sugar in your grits.
8. Don’t attempt to fake a Southern accent. Nothing will incite a riot faster.
9. Don’t go around talking about how much better it is back home. If you don’t like it here, take your Yankee ass back home.
10. We don’t play lacrosse, hockey or any of those other sissy ass Northern games, so don’t ask about the scores. We…simply…don’t…care.
11. We know how to speak proper English, we talk this way because we want to and we can. It’s like playing jazz, you have to know how to do it right first.
12. Last, but by no means least…DO NOT try to tell us how to Bar-B-Q. This could lead to permanent expulsion and revocation of your work visa. Consider yourself just damn lucky that we let you come down here in the first place. Don’t push your luck!
Be sure to take a peek at our other posts regarding the Southern Lifestyle…
Proper Southern Manners
Southerners Know
Things You Learn Living In The South
14 Things All Southern Women Know To Be True
20 Things A True Southerner Knows
Be sure to leave us a comment below to let us know what you thought of this post.
12 Comments
Gabrielle Paz
I just want to subscribe and my computer won’t
let me. I think I’ve smacked it a time or two too hard. Thanks.
Two Southern Sweeties
Hey Gabrielle
I made sure I added you. Please let me know if you do not receive the emails.
Thank you for joining us
~Tracey
Katie Hyde-Pisapia
Love the South and all its wonderful traditions. I try my hardest to cook and bake like a Southern Woman. And I smack the hand of the person putting sugar on their grits. My nickname from my Daddy is Katie Scarlett.
Two Southern Sweeties
I love the nickname!!
Bless the hearts of those that think that sugar belongs on grits HaHa
~Tracey
Gail
Good but left out something that really irritates me: saying you’ll to a single person.
Gail
Sorry my comment didn’t come out correctly. Definitely wasn’t a southerner. I typed the abbreviated you all spelled correctly and it changed it to you’ll several times until I gave up. By the way, southerners do understand that you plural makes perfectly good sense when meaning more than one person, not a single one.
Linda Kay Myrick
I live in AZ and was reared in MS until I was 42. I miss the south so much. I miss the people, I miss the humor, I miss the weather and I miss my Southern Baptist Church. Your blog helps to remind me that one day, one day, I will move back!
You noticed I said I was reared in MS. My mama always said you raise chickens and you rear children.
Love my mama!
Two Southern Sweeties
Linda, I’m glad that we are able to bring you some comfort from the wonderful South. I don’t know that I could live somewhere else.
Your mama sounds very wise! I love how she put that about chicken and children. Thank you for sharing that with us.
~Tracey
Cheri
I truly enjoy everything y’all share with so many of us ladies I loved the apron poem, I am 63 years young😁 I have been and still do even more than ever love aprons seems no matter where we travel I’ve always got my eyes out for a new one now my thing I love doing especially at craft shows or in Cracker barrel looking for matching Mommy and little girls,,I like giving them for Christmas and they are SO EXCITED what a perfect gift they say so sweetly 😇
Two Southern Sweeties
Thank you so much Cheri!
That is such a great idea for Christmas gifts. I think I’m going to do that this year for a couple of good friends.
~Tracey
Many Hearts
I am Southern and proud, but I do have to disagree with one. Lacrosse is no sissy game and it was played in the South pre Columbus. Everyone fails to give credit where it’s due. Only difference was no pad/helmets, many injuries, and it was called Stickball. It was played by the Cherokee and all other Iroquois Nations. And it is played in the South still. One of the South’s most prestige colleges has a team…Birmingham Southern College. It is also played at many high schools and other colleges. I would like to suggest the movie CROOKED ARROW. It’s a great movie about Lacrosse but also tells how it began. It is a GREAT movie. I don’t mean to be rude or anything but I am proudly Southern and proudly Indigenous. Thank you for allowing me to comment. ~ Wa-Do
Angela Skinner
Thanks for a shot of truth with a giggle chaser.